WHY is making friends so hard?

OK picture this, first day of classes you go in lost, confused, bored, unenthused whatever. You feel like you, but everyone well, feels like an NPC. You have nice earrings, a bunch of stickers on your laptop, a bunch of keyrings on your laptop bag, a nice pencil case and a nice chain... only for no one to comment on it. Oh dear, all that effort for silence, it sucks out there. Things are getting existential, you wonder why you put all the effort

Especially if you've been a veteran for quite a while, everyone already has preconceived thoughts about you, and if you're new its not any better. It's hard to fit in because everyone either already has their cliques or is equally as lost as you, and most people are too shy or insecure to be unapologetically themselves. Certainly doesn't helpful social media has brainrotted people to be nonchalant, it might have its purpose when you get 100 in an assessment, but in everyday interactions no I don't think so. It sucks that we've been taught to fit in and be boring as fuck, because being judgemental is normalised and the sense of psychological safety is not safe enough. We still feel incompetent when we underperform or make mistakes, everyones just too negative.

It's too easy for people to hope someone walks the walk for you, and while it can be easy being spoonfed friends from someone you already know, no one said it was the most effective strategy. A common piece of advice is to join a sports team or play an instrument. Sadly it can feel like a sink or swim scheme, if you suck at performing under pressure or are less skilled than everyone else it's over for you pookie. Not to mention most people quit the latter overtime because they have priorities, or just feel there is no sense of morale in most ensembles. There's also a possibility that the people in those programs have known each either for a very long time before you even started school together, making these programs potentially cliquey or worse a circle jerk. If you quit, irrespective of reason, they just look down and cut ties with you.

OK what about other programs? Some are just hard to get into, and at that times can feel like glorified friendships. It can also feel awkward if you're the only one from your cohort doing it, or if you can't commit to external events because they are too far/inconvenient to get to by public transport. It's also weird if you just don't get along with the other people and your lack of chemistry makes you hate what that club or extracurriculars revolves around. Imagine how awkward it would be if all of you were only doing leadership for your resume, or public speaking for an A+ in your Year 12 persuasive oral.

Hm, what about those other hobbies or interests you can't really present in school. No ones bringing a DDR machine to school or doing spontaneous karaoke. I suppose there's stickers and keyrings but it would be super situational for someone to complement, let alone notice them (shout out to my Year 10 ENL teacher, I will never forget when you mentioned my TLOZ keyring). How do you even figure our who else in your cohort (or school) has those same interests (unless u manage to get your friends on board but again super situational)? Even then being a gamer didn't mean shit at my school, most people weren't going to PAX or playing in tournament. People play casually, that's fair but why not leverage on gaming as a hobby you share with your cohort, OK we had a Mario Kart tournament here and there but that was not well scheduled like why was it the week before an existential midyear schedule. Also ew no, we're not cold-emailing that's too awkward.

Literally anything could make you stand out, your connections, your interests, your lore makes you irreplaceable. Thou shall stop being NPCs.